Starting Over

I've decided to start my blog over again. I'm not deleting old posts but I am starting to post again. I never get to post because I feel like I don't have things to say and I get bored with my own dribble. Whitney posts 3 Glimpses of Grace with every blog post and I think that's something I could do but I want to be more original (and not rip off my dear friend). So I'll explore things I do each day and how I think they contribute to my life and ministry. Not exactly the same but similar.

I got a gym membership. I'm not much of a gym-ie but there is something about working out that makes a person feel better. It feels like I actually did something today. Plus, bragging rights! What did you do today? Oh work, errands, GYM! I think having a healthy body helps have a more clear mind plus it inspired me to make a healthy dinner as well. It just set me off to a good fulfilling day.

I had a great talk with my parents this evening. I love talking to them but sometimes I feel like I don't have a lot to say and I'm boring. I also feel like when I'm boring they're not listening. Not that they're mean people at all (they're actually wonderful parents) but it's frustrating living in a place with no friends feeling like I don't have a lot of people to talk to. So tonight we had a great talk. I talked with them about everything going on in my life including sharing a bit about a guy I've been talking to. They both listened and had great insights. They're so smart when it comes to relationships and they always encourage my own natural instincts. it was so weird how they both picked up on the things I was thinking and feeling and confirmed them.

Another great chat with my sorority sister Marisa this evening as well. She knows so much about health (she's a nutritionist) and eating. I feel like every time we talk about food and health I come away with new ways to eat and live. It sounds cheesy but I know I can talk to her about just about anything and nothing surprises her. She also makes me laugh, a major plus.

Welcome back to blogging with me!

Movin' Out, Movin' In & Movin' On

Seminary is over! I can't believe these last three years have flown by as fast as they did. One minute I was clueless in Greek and the next I was walking across the stage to accept my beautiful diploma.

I accepted a job as an Associate Pastor in Tennessee and have moved out of my apartment in Atlanta and into an apartment in Tennessee. The weather has been beautiful and I am now the proud owner of a plant, haha! I can't have pets so I've decided to try out my green thumb. So far, so good, it's still alive after 3 days.

I miss Atlanta because there was so much to do as well as all my friends and favorite restaurants. I also miss Florida. Florida during the summer is like being spoiled rotten. The weather is so perfect and the beach is so close. Plus my wonderful family is there. I miss them but I'm just getting used to my new home.

Hopefully I'll be blogging a lot more often now about being a pastor and my plants of course.

Glimpses of Grace

Today is my dear friend Whitney's 500th post on her blog: Glimpses of Grace. Each day she posts 3 or so glimpses of the holy she sees in every day. I have envied her ability to see these beautiful moments each and every day and I have been flattered many times to be a part of them. In honor of her 500th post she made a list of her top 10 glimpses. I was thrilled to see that I was a part of several of her favorite moments over the last few years.

Another friend of ours, Erin, paid homage to Whitney today by making a list of her glimpses of grace so I would like to do the same. Congrats Whit, on your truly wonderful way of seeing the world.

-The beautiful yellow roses on each table at Laura Mendenhall's farewell BBQ. She is a very classy lady from Texas and the roses were meant to represent her.

-My favorite professor whom I idolize giving me a hug and congratulating me on accepting a call. She said "They're so lucky to get you!" I almost melted!!

-The ugly gray sky fading away to a gorgeous blue sky just in time for the BBQ this afternoon.

-Spending everyday of my Spring Break with my dad. I've been back in Atlanta for 2 days and called him just to say Hi today because I missed him. We had so much fun shopping for cars, shopping for groceries, cooking dinner, and just being lazy together.

-Coming back to my room after the BBQ and changing into my PJs and getting cozy under a blanket. Anyone who knows me knows that I could wear my PJs all day and I truly enjoy just laying around in them.

-Realizing that I'm going to New Jersey to see my bestest friends in only 16 days!

-When someone mentioned Grady hospital today I thought of Whitney and how dedicated she was to her work as a chaplin there. She brought comfort and the Spirit to so many people who truly needed her.

-Starting a question today and having Betsy Turner answer it before I even got to the end. We both laughed and she said "Yes I knew exactly what you were asking"

-Landing in the Atlanta airport Sunday to find Betsy Montgomery waiting for me in her bright green Easter dress. My flight was almost an hour late but she didn't even care. I must have apologized 10 times she finally said "Jess, I didn't even notice. Really, all I would have been doing was watching TV in my PJs." She's such a wonderful friend. I was sad to leave home and my family so it was wonderful to find someone I love waiting for me :)

Saying It Outloud

It amazing me sometimes the things we let fester within our hearts, minds, and souls. It amazes me every time I discover that I, myself, have done this again. My entire life I have needed to say it out loud. I have needed to let it out. What ever "it" might be I will allow it to say in me because I've always thought I might be doing it wrong. I might not know what I'm doing. I am so horrible at what I'm doing I may as well try something knew so this time I'll just bottle "it" up and not say a word. Others do this around me too and I am in awe of people when they finally "say it out loud."

Today I had the experience of listening to someone say it out loud. Anything I was feeling about that person before they said it changed the second after they said it. Not because of what they said but because did it. I kind of wanted to cheer for them. Even though what they said wasn't great and the truth that came out was a little ugly because it was about loss, it was about hurt, and somehow this involved me.

It's amazing to me how things change when you say them out loud. And I'd like to marinate in that idea for awhile....

Stress Levels Are High

So as my last semester of seminary hits its mid-way point and begins to move to a close my stress levels have been through the roof. At a yearly doctors appointment a few weeks ago I was told my blood pressure was up (first time ever) and I was showing signs of early hypertension. I wanted to look at the doctor and say, "Remember your last semester of medical school? I'm so there." I've even started noticing that my vision is spotty because I'm pretty sure my eyes are tired from reading and starring at a computer screen.

The call process is not easy. It's like dating and playing the stock market at the same time. Needless to say I think I'm lucky to be escaping with slightly high blood pressure and fatigue.

Amidst all this my car is breathing its last breaths and is ready to retire.
You and me both Layla (car's name).

I was feeling the pressure so hard today that I had to take a long walk and ended up calling my sister at work and venting, something I've been doing a lot this week. This is mainly because my parents are on a cruise and I can't bug them. And then just as I collapsed on my couch (the wonderful couch I inherited from Whitney) my phone rang. It was my amazing parents who were at port on St. Thomas island. My dad asked how things were going and I said, "Dad I don't want to ruin your trip but I've had an awful week." I told him everything and then talked to mom and they assured me that everything would be alright they will help me figure out the car situation when they got home.

After I got off the phone with them I started to think about my stress. Sometimes I think I forget how lucky of a person I am. Of all the things I don't have, I DO have a wonderful family. I have amazing parents who will call me while on their vacation and talk me down off a ledge. I have a beautiful and smart sister who would walk through fire for me any day and who cheers me up when I'm feeling sad. I don't NEED a lot because I have a lot. I'm so lucky to have a wonderful place like Florida where I can go for Spring Break and spend quality time with my family and just relax.

During Lent we're supposed to reflect and think about the sacrifice that was made for us in Christ. I'd also like to reflect this year about the many things I have been blessed with in my life. I am also so lucky to have my wonderful friends who stand by me, support me, love me and understand me when I know its hard sometimes. Especially when they have their own stress. If Lent is about reflecting I'll happily reflect about all my blessings.

Reason's Why "Don't Stop Believin'" is NOT Making a Come Back...

**Disclaimer** I'd first like to say that I do not mean to insult anyone, I am a firm believer in music and how it touches the soul, I am not however, a fan of Journey. Sorry Journey-lovers.

I would also like to say that after a few enlightening blogs, I felt the need to voice my opinions about silly-ness. I needed a mental break.

And now my reasons:

1. The song is actually "Don't Stop Believing" with the 'g' on the end. Sorry folks, it actually loses about 10 catchy points for correct grammar.

2. It's about NOTHING. Don't stop believing in what??? Love? A small town girl and a city boy? The midnight train? What are we not believing?

3. This is not a love song people. I think it's actually being confused with a love song.

4. This is not a dance song either. It's an 80's song and trust me when I say there are far better 80's songs.

5. Just because VH1 claims its the 11th best 80's song (in 2006) does NOT mean it is. This is the same network that brought us Flavor of Love and Charm School.....need I say more?

6. This song does not get better the more times you play it. Playing it in different settings does not make it mean different things nor does it make the lyrics make sense.

7. It is not your "jam." If you claim a song by Journey as your "jam" you seriously need a music intervention. I would be glad to sit and listen to 80's music with you for 3 days straight if only to convince you that there are much better "jams" from the 80's.

So please dear friends stop making me listen to this song. I know you love it but I think it's about time for it to just die. Let it be buried in the vault of other 80's songs that need to fade away. You can bring it out on occasion like 80's night or karaoke but other then that its time to release it back into abyss. Bye bye Journey.

A New Lord's Prayer

In reading an article for my World Christianity class I came across this new version of the Lord's Prayer. It was rewritten and is used by a Recovery Center in Douglas, Arizona/ Agua Prieta, Mexico called CREEDA. I was amazed at the commitment to faith that this prayer implies yet the truth within the words that we, as Christians, can learn from.

The Lord's Prayer

Do not call me "Father" if everyday you do not behave as my child;
Do not say "Our" if you live isolated in your selfishness
Do not say "Who Art in Heaven" if you only think about earthly/material things;
Do not say, "Hallowed by thy name" if you invoke it with your lips but your heart is far from God
Do not say "Thy Kingdom Come" if you mistake it for your material success;
Do not say "Thy Will be Done" if you do not accept the will when it is painful;
Do not say "Give us this day our daily bread" if you do not worry about the hungry;
Do not say "Forgive us our debts/trespasses" if you bear your brother or sister a grudge
Do not say "Lead us not into temptation" if you do not avoid occasions to sin
Do not say "Deliver us from evil" if you do not fight evil
Do not say "Amen" if you have not taken seriously the words of the Lord's Prayer


While this isn't exactly reformed it does take on a whole new meaning in the setting of a place of recovery from addiction to alcohol or drugs. In these settings people develop new ways of living and new ways of looking at their pain and hurt. It gives us all a new way of looking at our commitment to our faith, to God, and to the world around us. My favorite line is "Give us this day our daily bread," it is the reason why I chose to type this up on my blog.

I would also like to dedicate this new version to my wonderful friend Whitney. Her dedication to working towards reconciliation and peace in the world inspires me and I know she will love this prayer because it calls us to action and it makes us aware that Christianity is a verb.

Tripping through the Tulips

These beautiful tulips were a Valentine's Day surprise from the wonderful guy in my life. I truly believe that the best things in life will always come back around if they are meant to be.

Positive Energy

It seems that negative energy is all around me lately. People are stressed about class and finding jobs. No one can escape the heavy weight of the world situation, the economy, the war and the many shifts in politics. No one seems to be happy. It seems like every topic is a touchy subject for someone.

To add to all this I recently started talking to a guy I used to date in college. At the time we were very serious and even talked about getting married but he left college to join the Army and went on to West Point. He's a wonderful person, by far the most wonderful person I've ever dated. We were madly in love and probably still are. But alas he has given his life and soul over to the United States Military. This is the reason we broke up. I wanted to go to seminary and he wanted to be in the military and we knew those things couldn't go together at the time. It was very sad, both our hearts were broken. These days it seems like things might be different. He said it himself, we are older, wiser and more willing to compromise. But things for me haven't changed that much.

I love what I do. I absolutely love the church and can't wait to be a part of it. I can't see myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. I know this is where I belong. I also can't stand the military lifestyle. I have never wanted to be a military wife. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again sometimes when I think about having to make the choice between the church and the person I love. All this negative energy is very overwhelming and it really isn't what I need right now. I'm working my butt off to finish school and find a good job.

All this frustration was going through my head when I went into Starbucks today, my other true love. (I don't say that as a coffee addict like some, I say that as a former employee who passionately loved working for the company). The girl behind the counter asked me how my day was going and what I did. I told her. She asked if I had a church to work at, I told her it didn't really work that way and I was looking but it was a long process. She said, "Good for you girl! You can do it, don't let that negative energy in. Think positive." I think I starred at her for a solid minute. I didn't know what to say. I nodded and thanked her.

I know it seems like placating the problem and pushing the noise out of my head. I know it seems like a band-aide over a bullet hole right now but the truth is my new friend at Sbux (that's what we called it) seems to have discovered a gold mine of information. I immediately put my hands up in front of me like I was blocking off an attack of negativity. I remember my dear friends, who were in this place just one year ago. The stress was overwhelming and they thought nothing was going to work out for them. But things did work out. It took time and patience and a lot of waiting around but things just fell into place. This is exactly what my best friend told me. She said when its right it just falls into place. I hate waiting. I hate being patient. I hate not knowing whats going to happen next. But I hate being unhappy more. I hate the idea of me not working in the church more.

Nothing has changed. I'm still me. I'm still a great student who knows where God is leading me. And I'm still going to work my butt off and find the perfect job. I know the perfect man will find me. If he happens to be this guy that I've loved for so long then he is going to have to come to me as much as I'm willing to come to him. It has to be a lot of compromise but I'm on a journey. This is the choice I've made and the place I know I'm supposed to be. I

More Insights from People's 25 Things....

4. If you haven't broken it then you don't know enough about it.

My friend AJ wrote this one in his 25 Random Things blog. I used to babysit AJ when he was a little kid. Now he's 23 and a very talented musician. He's also really funny, a middle child, and apparently brilliant.

I have no idea what he's talking about when he makes this statement. Possibly a relationship, a mechanical device, a vase....who knows. But for me, when I read this I laughed and then thought "so very true." The world is not perfect. Our lives are not perfect. Nothing around us will ever be perfect. The likelihood that I will break something, anything, is great. And the idea that this will only help me learn more about it is wonderful. For me this is comforting. Because I will break something or someone sometime and skewing this idea of "breaking" to make it have a positive outcome is how I prefer to see life. I do prefer to see the glass as half full. I do prefer to look forward to the good coming from the bad. I also look forward to learning. And learning from a broken (bad) situation excites me.

This is also very important for our growth as people in community. If we don't learn something from our mistakes, if we don't learn how to adapt or change from our short-comings then we are not opening ourselves up to the transforming power of God in our lives. If you don't want to think about it in terms of God think about it in terms of fate. What part do we play in our own fate if we don't learn from our own brokenness?

What If....

There are lots of days when I feel really lonely. I wish I was married, I wish I had a child, I wish I had stuck it out in some of the relationships I was in, I wish a lot of things were different in my life. I look at people I knew from Junior High and High School who are now engaged or married or even raising a family and I can't help but be really jealous.
Until....
Today I was reading the "25 Things" of an old friend of mine. This friend was pretty, popular and athletic but most of all she was kind. We were never super close but we were never enemies. Her life now is exactly the things I wish mine were sometimes. She's married to a really good looking guy and has a beautiful child. But her 25 Things shocked me. As I read between the lines I saw so many "what ifs" in her life. The thing is, I've always known I have to make myself happy. I've always known to follow my heart and do what fulfills me. I've always known to follow my true calling in life.
I never realized I was doing something other people didn't do, couldn't do, or wouldn't do. I never realized there were people out there who seemed so happy but who really had other plans they chose not to follow.
I can't believe I'm living my dream because I chose to follow what is best for me. What I truly love to do and what will fulfill me for the rest of my life. If nothing else I can always look back and know that I did what makes me happy. I have committed myself to...ME! Its true what they say that life isn't worth having unless you share it but that doesn't mean you absolutely must be in love and married and it certainly doesn't mean that I have to give up what I love the most for someone else.
I'm so happy with the decisions I've made. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if I had put my heart into something other then what truly makes me happy.

The list keeps going...

17. My parents were hippies. They would never admit it but I've seen pictures. Hello flower children. Plus, my sister's name is Aubrey...after a song by "Bread" you MUST have been smoking something.

18. I think my parents have aged really well, I hope I do too.

19. When I was growing up my room was painted blue. In one corner I hand painted a big sun with a tree under it and in the other corner I hand painted a big moon with stars all along 2 borders. The other 2 borders were lined with lyrics to DMB songs. My parents actually thought it was really cool.

20. I hear songs I like on TV and in movies all the time. I google the lyrics and download the songs. That's how I get most of my good stuff :)

21. Even though I lived in Tallahassee and 21st birthdays were a HUGE deal, I came home to Jacksonville for mine. I can't remember why.

22. I got food poisoning once and lost 6 pounds in 14 hours. I looked like death.

23. I once read 6 books in a day.

24. My first choice for college was UVa but my parents said no because it was WAY too expensive out of state. I don't usually tell people that because I LOVED FSU and would have regretted not going there.

25. I'll try anything once. I'm not afraid of many things, accept snakes and rollercoasters.

26. I am neither a big city girl nor a country girl. I like both. I do prefer the beach to the mountains but I grew up visiting the mountains all the time so I love them too.

27. I wish I had been a ballerina but my mom wouldn't let me. She overheard my ballet teacher yelling at a 6 year old about her weight and never let me go back.

28. I'm 5 feet tall, my drivers license says 5'1" that would be the DMV's fault not mine.

29. I love Jacksonville but I don't need to move back here. It would be great but I'd like living somewhere else just as much.

30. When I get mad or stressed out I clean.

16 Things About Me

I got "tagged" on facebook to list 16 random things about myself. So I did. However, I kind of feel like the things I said were a little boring and a little safe. So I've decided to do 16 new things about myself on my blog. We'll see how different they end up being:

1. I think its sad when really attractive people have horrible personalities. For some reason this is always a huge disappointment to me and I dwell on it.

2. I love oysters and beets. Apparently lots of people hate both. I can eat beets straight out of a jar, pickled, not pickled, hot or cold I don't care I love them. Oysters are so good to me as well. I eat them on a cracker with hot sauce. I'm drooling.

3. I actually have to restrain myself from baking every single day. Mostly because I won't be able to eat everything I bake and even if I could all I would be eating would be sweets all day long. That would get old.

4. I really hate talking about money. It's a huge turn-off to me when people, especially guys I go out on a date with, talk about money. Unless you're extremely wealthy everyone has money issues so why bring it up?

5. I hate when people comment on the way I eat. I don't eat in a strange way or anything but I really hate it when people comment on it. In fact on a date once a guy commented about the way I ate and I never went out with him again. I'm not going to lie that was the moment that killed the date for me. The rest of the evening was great.

6. I really hate buffet style eating. I always think I can eat more then I can. In fact this is actually a goal of mine in life, to be better about how much food I serve myself. I'll always put like one more shrimp then I can eat on my plate or a tablespoon too much rice.

7. I really love soup. All kinds of soup.

8. I would love to be a stand up comedian or the lead singer in a band. These are both things I can seriously see myself doing in life. However, I have terrible stage fright. For some reason this does not apply to preaching.

9. I stopped drinking liquor about 5 years ago. The only thing I've had since then has been margaritas and even then I won't drink them if they're too strong. It took me a few years to realize I'm 5 feet tall and weigh 105lbs liquor isn't my game.

10. I physically cannot drink RedBull. It keeps me jazzed for 6 to 8 hours and makes me heart beat really fast. I'm scared of RedBull.

11. My sister, my dad and I were all born in the same hospital.

12. I google everything espeically people. I can seriously kill 2 hours reading stuff on the internet about Andy Worhall or the children of John Adams.

13. I think people think I'm weird but I have no clue why. I'm serious. I have always thought that about myself even in high school. Why am I weird? You're weird!

14. I really seriously like everyone I go to school with accept for one person. There is only one person at my entire school I don't like and I really don't talk about it very often. In fact I think only one other person knows who I don't like. I find the good in everyone here. Some people irritate me but honestly I've had good experiences with everyone but one person. I wonder if they know....

15. I have always wanted to send a secret into postsecret.com but honestly I have no idea what it would be. Every Sunday I read the new posts and think about what I would write but nothing ever comes to me.

16. I quit girlscouts when I was 7 because they wouldn't let my dad come on a trip with us. I seriously thought this was the dumbest thing ever.