These beautiful tulips were a Valentine's Day surprise from the wonderful guy in my life. I truly believe that the best things in life will always come back around if they are meant to be.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tripping through the Tulips
These beautiful tulips were a Valentine's Day surprise from the wonderful guy in my life. I truly believe that the best things in life will always come back around if they are meant to be.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Positive Energy
It seems that negative energy is all around me lately. People are stressed about class and finding jobs. No one can escape the heavy weight of the world situation, the economy, the war and the many shifts in politics. No one seems to be happy. It seems like every topic is a touchy subject for someone.
To add to all this I recently started talking to a guy I used to date in college. At the time we were very serious and even talked about getting married but he left college to join the Army and went on to West Point. He's a wonderful person, by far the most wonderful person I've ever dated. We were madly in love and probably still are. But alas he has given his life and soul over to the United States Military. This is the reason we broke up. I wanted to go to seminary and he wanted to be in the military and we knew those things couldn't go together at the time. It was very sad, both our hearts were broken. These days it seems like things might be different. He said it himself, we are older, wiser and more willing to compromise. But things for me haven't changed that much.
I love what I do. I absolutely love the church and can't wait to be a part of it. I can't see myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. I know this is where I belong. I also can't stand the military lifestyle. I have never wanted to be a military wife. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again sometimes when I think about having to make the choice between the church and the person I love. All this negative energy is very overwhelming and it really isn't what I need right now. I'm working my butt off to finish school and find a good job.
All this frustration was going through my head when I went into Starbucks today, my other true love. (I don't say that as a coffee addict like some, I say that as a former employee who passionately loved working for the company). The girl behind the counter asked me how my day was going and what I did. I told her. She asked if I had a church to work at, I told her it didn't really work that way and I was looking but it was a long process. She said, "Good for you girl! You can do it, don't let that negative energy in. Think positive." I think I starred at her for a solid minute. I didn't know what to say. I nodded and thanked her.
I know it seems like placating the problem and pushing the noise out of my head. I know it seems like a band-aide over a bullet hole right now but the truth is my new friend at Sbux (that's what we called it) seems to have discovered a gold mine of information. I immediately put my hands up in front of me like I was blocking off an attack of negativity. I remember my dear friends, who were in this place just one year ago. The stress was overwhelming and they thought nothing was going to work out for them. But things did work out. It took time and patience and a lot of waiting around but things just fell into place. This is exactly what my best friend told me. She said when its right it just falls into place. I hate waiting. I hate being patient. I hate not knowing whats going to happen next. But I hate being unhappy more. I hate the idea of me not working in the church more.
Nothing has changed. I'm still me. I'm still a great student who knows where God is leading me. And I'm still going to work my butt off and find the perfect job. I know the perfect man will find me. If he happens to be this guy that I've loved for so long then he is going to have to come to me as much as I'm willing to come to him. It has to be a lot of compromise but I'm on a journey. This is the choice I've made and the place I know I'm supposed to be. I
To add to all this I recently started talking to a guy I used to date in college. At the time we were very serious and even talked about getting married but he left college to join the Army and went on to West Point. He's a wonderful person, by far the most wonderful person I've ever dated. We were madly in love and probably still are. But alas he has given his life and soul over to the United States Military. This is the reason we broke up. I wanted to go to seminary and he wanted to be in the military and we knew those things couldn't go together at the time. It was very sad, both our hearts were broken. These days it seems like things might be different. He said it himself, we are older, wiser and more willing to compromise. But things for me haven't changed that much.
I love what I do. I absolutely love the church and can't wait to be a part of it. I can't see myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. I know this is where I belong. I also can't stand the military lifestyle. I have never wanted to be a military wife. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again sometimes when I think about having to make the choice between the church and the person I love. All this negative energy is very overwhelming and it really isn't what I need right now. I'm working my butt off to finish school and find a good job.
All this frustration was going through my head when I went into Starbucks today, my other true love. (I don't say that as a coffee addict like some, I say that as a former employee who passionately loved working for the company). The girl behind the counter asked me how my day was going and what I did. I told her. She asked if I had a church to work at, I told her it didn't really work that way and I was looking but it was a long process. She said, "Good for you girl! You can do it, don't let that negative energy in. Think positive." I think I starred at her for a solid minute. I didn't know what to say. I nodded and thanked her.
I know it seems like placating the problem and pushing the noise out of my head. I know it seems like a band-aide over a bullet hole right now but the truth is my new friend at Sbux (that's what we called it) seems to have discovered a gold mine of information. I immediately put my hands up in front of me like I was blocking off an attack of negativity. I remember my dear friends, who were in this place just one year ago. The stress was overwhelming and they thought nothing was going to work out for them. But things did work out. It took time and patience and a lot of waiting around but things just fell into place. This is exactly what my best friend told me. She said when its right it just falls into place. I hate waiting. I hate being patient. I hate not knowing whats going to happen next. But I hate being unhappy more. I hate the idea of me not working in the church more.
Nothing has changed. I'm still me. I'm still a great student who knows where God is leading me. And I'm still going to work my butt off and find the perfect job. I know the perfect man will find me. If he happens to be this guy that I've loved for so long then he is going to have to come to me as much as I'm willing to come to him. It has to be a lot of compromise but I'm on a journey. This is the choice I've made and the place I know I'm supposed to be. I
Thursday, February 5, 2009
More Insights from People's 25 Things....
4. If you haven't broken it then you don't know enough about it.
My friend AJ wrote this one in his 25 Random Things blog. I used to babysit AJ when he was a little kid. Now he's 23 and a very talented musician. He's also really funny, a middle child, and apparently brilliant.
I have no idea what he's talking about when he makes this statement. Possibly a relationship, a mechanical device, a vase....who knows. But for me, when I read this I laughed and then thought "so very true." The world is not perfect. Our lives are not perfect. Nothing around us will ever be perfect. The likelihood that I will break something, anything, is great. And the idea that this will only help me learn more about it is wonderful. For me this is comforting. Because I will break something or someone sometime and skewing this idea of "breaking" to make it have a positive outcome is how I prefer to see life. I do prefer to see the glass as half full. I do prefer to look forward to the good coming from the bad. I also look forward to learning. And learning from a broken (bad) situation excites me.
This is also very important for our growth as people in community. If we don't learn something from our mistakes, if we don't learn how to adapt or change from our short-comings then we are not opening ourselves up to the transforming power of God in our lives. If you don't want to think about it in terms of God think about it in terms of fate. What part do we play in our own fate if we don't learn from our own brokenness?
My friend AJ wrote this one in his 25 Random Things blog. I used to babysit AJ when he was a little kid. Now he's 23 and a very talented musician. He's also really funny, a middle child, and apparently brilliant.
I have no idea what he's talking about when he makes this statement. Possibly a relationship, a mechanical device, a vase....who knows. But for me, when I read this I laughed and then thought "so very true." The world is not perfect. Our lives are not perfect. Nothing around us will ever be perfect. The likelihood that I will break something, anything, is great. And the idea that this will only help me learn more about it is wonderful. For me this is comforting. Because I will break something or someone sometime and skewing this idea of "breaking" to make it have a positive outcome is how I prefer to see life. I do prefer to see the glass as half full. I do prefer to look forward to the good coming from the bad. I also look forward to learning. And learning from a broken (bad) situation excites me.
This is also very important for our growth as people in community. If we don't learn something from our mistakes, if we don't learn how to adapt or change from our short-comings then we are not opening ourselves up to the transforming power of God in our lives. If you don't want to think about it in terms of God think about it in terms of fate. What part do we play in our own fate if we don't learn from our own brokenness?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
What If....
There are lots of days when I feel really lonely. I wish I was married, I wish I had a child, I wish I had stuck it out in some of the relationships I was in, I wish a lot of things were different in my life. I look at people I knew from Junior High and High School who are now engaged or married or even raising a family and I can't help but be really jealous.
Until....
Today I was reading the "25 Things" of an old friend of mine. This friend was pretty, popular and athletic but most of all she was kind. We were never super close but we were never enemies. Her life now is exactly the things I wish mine were sometimes. She's married to a really good looking guy and has a beautiful child. But her 25 Things shocked me. As I read between the lines I saw so many "what ifs" in her life. The thing is, I've always known I have to make myself happy. I've always known to follow my heart and do what fulfills me. I've always known to follow my true calling in life.
I never realized I was doing something other people didn't do, couldn't do, or wouldn't do. I never realized there were people out there who seemed so happy but who really had other plans they chose not to follow.
I can't believe I'm living my dream because I chose to follow what is best for me. What I truly love to do and what will fulfill me for the rest of my life. If nothing else I can always look back and know that I did what makes me happy. I have committed myself to...ME! Its true what they say that life isn't worth having unless you share it but that doesn't mean you absolutely must be in love and married and it certainly doesn't mean that I have to give up what I love the most for someone else.
I'm so happy with the decisions I've made. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if I had put my heart into something other then what truly makes me happy.
Until....
Today I was reading the "25 Things" of an old friend of mine. This friend was pretty, popular and athletic but most of all she was kind. We were never super close but we were never enemies. Her life now is exactly the things I wish mine were sometimes. She's married to a really good looking guy and has a beautiful child. But her 25 Things shocked me. As I read between the lines I saw so many "what ifs" in her life. The thing is, I've always known I have to make myself happy. I've always known to follow my heart and do what fulfills me. I've always known to follow my true calling in life.
I never realized I was doing something other people didn't do, couldn't do, or wouldn't do. I never realized there were people out there who seemed so happy but who really had other plans they chose not to follow.
I can't believe I'm living my dream because I chose to follow what is best for me. What I truly love to do and what will fulfill me for the rest of my life. If nothing else I can always look back and know that I did what makes me happy. I have committed myself to...ME! Its true what they say that life isn't worth having unless you share it but that doesn't mean you absolutely must be in love and married and it certainly doesn't mean that I have to give up what I love the most for someone else.
I'm so happy with the decisions I've made. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if I had put my heart into something other then what truly makes me happy.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The list keeps going...
17. My parents were hippies. They would never admit it but I've seen pictures. Hello flower children. Plus, my sister's name is Aubrey...after a song by "Bread" you MUST have been smoking something.
18. I think my parents have aged really well, I hope I do too.
19. When I was growing up my room was painted blue. In one corner I hand painted a big sun with a tree under it and in the other corner I hand painted a big moon with stars all along 2 borders. The other 2 borders were lined with lyrics to DMB songs. My parents actually thought it was really cool.
20. I hear songs I like on TV and in movies all the time. I google the lyrics and download the songs. That's how I get most of my good stuff :)
21. Even though I lived in Tallahassee and 21st birthdays were a HUGE deal, I came home to Jacksonville for mine. I can't remember why.
22. I got food poisoning once and lost 6 pounds in 14 hours. I looked like death.
23. I once read 6 books in a day.
24. My first choice for college was UVa but my parents said no because it was WAY too expensive out of state. I don't usually tell people that because I LOVED FSU and would have regretted not going there.
25. I'll try anything once. I'm not afraid of many things, accept snakes and rollercoasters.
26. I am neither a big city girl nor a country girl. I like both. I do prefer the beach to the mountains but I grew up visiting the mountains all the time so I love them too.
27. I wish I had been a ballerina but my mom wouldn't let me. She overheard my ballet teacher yelling at a 6 year old about her weight and never let me go back.
28. I'm 5 feet tall, my drivers license says 5'1" that would be the DMV's fault not mine.
29. I love Jacksonville but I don't need to move back here. It would be great but I'd like living somewhere else just as much.
30. When I get mad or stressed out I clean.
18. I think my parents have aged really well, I hope I do too.
19. When I was growing up my room was painted blue. In one corner I hand painted a big sun with a tree under it and in the other corner I hand painted a big moon with stars all along 2 borders. The other 2 borders were lined with lyrics to DMB songs. My parents actually thought it was really cool.
20. I hear songs I like on TV and in movies all the time. I google the lyrics and download the songs. That's how I get most of my good stuff :)
21. Even though I lived in Tallahassee and 21st birthdays were a HUGE deal, I came home to Jacksonville for mine. I can't remember why.
22. I got food poisoning once and lost 6 pounds in 14 hours. I looked like death.
23. I once read 6 books in a day.
24. My first choice for college was UVa but my parents said no because it was WAY too expensive out of state. I don't usually tell people that because I LOVED FSU and would have regretted not going there.
25. I'll try anything once. I'm not afraid of many things, accept snakes and rollercoasters.
26. I am neither a big city girl nor a country girl. I like both. I do prefer the beach to the mountains but I grew up visiting the mountains all the time so I love them too.
27. I wish I had been a ballerina but my mom wouldn't let me. She overheard my ballet teacher yelling at a 6 year old about her weight and never let me go back.
28. I'm 5 feet tall, my drivers license says 5'1" that would be the DMV's fault not mine.
29. I love Jacksonville but I don't need to move back here. It would be great but I'd like living somewhere else just as much.
30. When I get mad or stressed out I clean.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
16 Things About Me
I got "tagged" on facebook to list 16 random things about myself. So I did. However, I kind of feel like the things I said were a little boring and a little safe. So I've decided to do 16 new things about myself on my blog. We'll see how different they end up being:
1. I think its sad when really attractive people have horrible personalities. For some reason this is always a huge disappointment to me and I dwell on it.
2. I love oysters and beets. Apparently lots of people hate both. I can eat beets straight out of a jar, pickled, not pickled, hot or cold I don't care I love them. Oysters are so good to me as well. I eat them on a cracker with hot sauce. I'm drooling.
3. I actually have to restrain myself from baking every single day. Mostly because I won't be able to eat everything I bake and even if I could all I would be eating would be sweets all day long. That would get old.
4. I really hate talking about money. It's a huge turn-off to me when people, especially guys I go out on a date with, talk about money. Unless you're extremely wealthy everyone has money issues so why bring it up?
5. I hate when people comment on the way I eat. I don't eat in a strange way or anything but I really hate it when people comment on it. In fact on a date once a guy commented about the way I ate and I never went out with him again. I'm not going to lie that was the moment that killed the date for me. The rest of the evening was great.
6. I really hate buffet style eating. I always think I can eat more then I can. In fact this is actually a goal of mine in life, to be better about how much food I serve myself. I'll always put like one more shrimp then I can eat on my plate or a tablespoon too much rice.
7. I really love soup. All kinds of soup.
8. I would love to be a stand up comedian or the lead singer in a band. These are both things I can seriously see myself doing in life. However, I have terrible stage fright. For some reason this does not apply to preaching.
9. I stopped drinking liquor about 5 years ago. The only thing I've had since then has been margaritas and even then I won't drink them if they're too strong. It took me a few years to realize I'm 5 feet tall and weigh 105lbs liquor isn't my game.
10. I physically cannot drink RedBull. It keeps me jazzed for 6 to 8 hours and makes me heart beat really fast. I'm scared of RedBull.
11. My sister, my dad and I were all born in the same hospital.
12. I google everything espeically people. I can seriously kill 2 hours reading stuff on the internet about Andy Worhall or the children of John Adams.
13. I think people think I'm weird but I have no clue why. I'm serious. I have always thought that about myself even in high school. Why am I weird? You're weird!
14. I really seriously like everyone I go to school with accept for one person. There is only one person at my entire school I don't like and I really don't talk about it very often. In fact I think only one other person knows who I don't like. I find the good in everyone here. Some people irritate me but honestly I've had good experiences with everyone but one person. I wonder if they know....
15. I have always wanted to send a secret into postsecret.com but honestly I have no idea what it would be. Every Sunday I read the new posts and think about what I would write but nothing ever comes to me.
16. I quit girlscouts when I was 7 because they wouldn't let my dad come on a trip with us. I seriously thought this was the dumbest thing ever.
1. I think its sad when really attractive people have horrible personalities. For some reason this is always a huge disappointment to me and I dwell on it.
2. I love oysters and beets. Apparently lots of people hate both. I can eat beets straight out of a jar, pickled, not pickled, hot or cold I don't care I love them. Oysters are so good to me as well. I eat them on a cracker with hot sauce. I'm drooling.
3. I actually have to restrain myself from baking every single day. Mostly because I won't be able to eat everything I bake and even if I could all I would be eating would be sweets all day long. That would get old.
4. I really hate talking about money. It's a huge turn-off to me when people, especially guys I go out on a date with, talk about money. Unless you're extremely wealthy everyone has money issues so why bring it up?
5. I hate when people comment on the way I eat. I don't eat in a strange way or anything but I really hate it when people comment on it. In fact on a date once a guy commented about the way I ate and I never went out with him again. I'm not going to lie that was the moment that killed the date for me. The rest of the evening was great.
6. I really hate buffet style eating. I always think I can eat more then I can. In fact this is actually a goal of mine in life, to be better about how much food I serve myself. I'll always put like one more shrimp then I can eat on my plate or a tablespoon too much rice.
7. I really love soup. All kinds of soup.
8. I would love to be a stand up comedian or the lead singer in a band. These are both things I can seriously see myself doing in life. However, I have terrible stage fright. For some reason this does not apply to preaching.
9. I stopped drinking liquor about 5 years ago. The only thing I've had since then has been margaritas and even then I won't drink them if they're too strong. It took me a few years to realize I'm 5 feet tall and weigh 105lbs liquor isn't my game.
10. I physically cannot drink RedBull. It keeps me jazzed for 6 to 8 hours and makes me heart beat really fast. I'm scared of RedBull.
11. My sister, my dad and I were all born in the same hospital.
12. I google everything espeically people. I can seriously kill 2 hours reading stuff on the internet about Andy Worhall or the children of John Adams.
13. I think people think I'm weird but I have no clue why. I'm serious. I have always thought that about myself even in high school. Why am I weird? You're weird!
14. I really seriously like everyone I go to school with accept for one person. There is only one person at my entire school I don't like and I really don't talk about it very often. In fact I think only one other person knows who I don't like. I find the good in everyone here. Some people irritate me but honestly I've had good experiences with everyone but one person. I wonder if they know....
15. I have always wanted to send a secret into postsecret.com but honestly I have no idea what it would be. Every Sunday I read the new posts and think about what I would write but nothing ever comes to me.
16. I quit girlscouts when I was 7 because they wouldn't let my dad come on a trip with us. I seriously thought this was the dumbest thing ever.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
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